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Welcome to Miss Peggy's Post - a - Quote Archive Page.

Name: Ethelene Hiatt (character=Mrs. Bendlemright) Date: 07/18/98 19:35:19 CDT
"I'm cutting your rent and raising your wattage."
Name: Trudy & Dave (character=Mrs. Mendlebright) Date: 07/18/98 19:32:38 CDT
"That dresser came by bus all the way from Fort Lauderdale."
Name: Al Becker (character=Aunt Bee/Andy) Date: 07/11/98 02:23:47 CDT
Aunt Bee: "You look so good in your umpire costume."
Andy: "Uniform Aunt Bee, uniform."
Name: Brandon=BARNEY (character=6/8/98) Date: 07/09/98 02:10:05 CDT
NIP IT! NIP IT! NIP IT%
Name: Vern (character=Barney) Date: 07/06/98 20:27:11 CDT
Beasto, maresto...that cheese sandwich stuck right here (Barney points to his throat) for about three days.
Name: Vern (character=Barney) Date: 07/06/98 20:26:10 CDT
Beasto, maresto...that cheese sandwich stuck right here (Barney points to his throat) for about three days.
Name: vern (character=brisco darlin) Date: 07/06/98 20:22:42 CDT
"If you want a roof you're gonna have to put it on yourself. This all can't be one way."
Name: Milton P. Oliver (character=Taylor Sanders) Date: 07/06/98 17:01:00 CDT
"Uh, I'm with her."
Name: Al Becker (character=Dud Wash) Date: 06/28/98 18:02:02 CDT
"A tiger eye ring right out of Spokane Washington."
Name: Emma (character=Barney) Date: 06/23/98 11:45:16 CDT
"YOU'RE THE ONLY GIRL I LOVE!!!" - Barney
Name: Emma (character=Barney) Date: 06/23/98 11:44:33 CDT
"I guess it's twinkle toes time!" - Barney
Name: Emma (character=Barney & Andy) Date: 06/23/98 11:43:54 CDT
Barney: You're not sore anymore?
Andy: I ain't sore.
Barney: Than how come your jaw muslces are workin'?
Name: Emma (character=Skippy) Date: 06/23/98 11:41:58 CDT
"Crowd me Bernie, I just love to be crowded!" - Skippy
Name: Emma (character=Barney) Date: 06/23/98 11:40:54 CDT
"You know what I'm gonna get? Two chili sized burgers with chopped onions, ketchup, piccalili, and mustard, side of french fries, slab of rubarb pie, and a chocolate malt. How's that hit ya?." - Barney
Name: Emma (character=Barney) Date: 06/23/98 11:37:26 CDT
"It's easy to see what May sees in December - Santy Claus." - Barney
Name: Emma (character=Mr. Upchurch and Barney) Date: 06/23/98 11:35:20 CDT
Mr. Upchurch: The Sheriff tells me you decided not to make a moulage.
Barney: A moulage? Yeah, that's right, we decided not to make a moulage. Oh, we told a few people, but we decided it didnt' make sense upsetting folks, running around blabbing, making a big moulage.
Name: Emma (character=Andy) Date: 06/23/98 11:32:23 CDT
"Barn? Remember... me and you, the big freeze." - Andy
Name: Emma (character=Barney & Andy) Date: 06/23/98 11:30:52 CDT
Barney: If that interloper shows up, you know what he's gonna get from me?
Andy: What?
Barney: Big freeze.
Name: Emma (character=Barney about Ben Weaver) Date: 06/23/98 11:29:23 CDT
"Ahh, that's just a front. You watch him sometime when we're singing 'Leaning on the Everlasting Arms.' He don't even know the words, he just moves his lips!" - Barney
Name: Emma (character=Barney) Date: 06/23/98 11:27:19 CDT
"Now don't get purposely obtuse, Andy!!" - Barney
Name: Emma (character=Barney) Date: 06/22/98 22:31:39 CDT
"No, it has nothing to do with trash cans!!" - Barney

Name: Jennie Boone (character=Barney & Andy) Date: 06/22/98 22:30:45 CDT
Barney: Hey, Andy - you ever seen one of these? A beer can opener with an umbrella on it. It'd make a nice gift, wouldn't it?
Andy: Yeah, for Mother's Day.

Name: Elinora (character=Barney & Eleanora Poltice) Date: 06/22/98 22:28:40 CDT
Eleanora: Oh, I can feel it. You're going to be another Leonard Blush.
Barney: Oh no, that's too much to ask.
Eleanora: Why not? He just walked in here off the street one day. Two years later he sang the Star Spangled Banner at the opening of the County Insecticide Convention. The rest is history.
Barney: And he still has that radio program, doesn't he?
Eleanora: Third Tuesday every month. Station YLRB, Mt. Pilot.
Barney: Big Time.
Barney: Does he still wear that black mask when he sings on the radio?
Eleanora: Oh no, no. He just wore that for a year when he had that skin condition.
Barney: Probably emotional - he went to the top so fast.
Eleanora: Very meteoric. Very.
Name: Elinora (character=Barney & Eleanora Poltice) Date: 06/22/98 22:23:00 CDT
Eleanora: Never let it be said that Barnard Fife let down Eleanora Poltice!
Barney: I'm going on. My music Eleanora.
Name: Emma (character=Barney & Andy) Date: 06/22/98 22:20:41 CDT
Barney: My voice was surging out of my body like Niagra Falls coming over that cliff in Rochester, NY.
Andy: Buffalo.
Barney: Huh?
Andy: Nothing
Name: Emma (character=Barney) Date: 06/22/98 22:19:22 CDT
"You know Andy, there's no better feeling than knowing you were perfect." - Barney
Name: Emma (character=Andy) Date: 06/22/98 22:18:05 CDT
The last tenor I can remember around here was Bruce Flowers. He could only sing high after a fight with his mother." - Andy
Name: Al Becker (character=Andy) Date: 06/17/98 20:45:32 CDT
"Sarah, would you git me my house."
Name: Al Becker (character=Gomer) Date: 06/16/98 20:18:55 CDT
"Right flush on the jaw!"
Name: Emma (character=Andy & Floyd) Date: 06/12/98 22:03:59 CDT
Floyd: Love just happens. Two people just fall together.
Andy: What do you know about love!?
Floyd: What do I know?!! What... about... Lov...You can't cut hair for 30 years without learning SOMETHING!!
Name: Emma (character=Andy) Date: 06/12/98 22:03:16 CDT
"Yeah, I always like a good crab joke." - Andy
Name: Emma (character=Ralph Campbell) Date: 06/12/98 22:02:34 CDT
"That's the way I do it back home. How do you folks do it here?" - Ralph Campbell
Name: Emma (character=Andy) Date: 06/12/98 22:01:23 CDT
"Congratulations, Barney. You did it again!" - Andy
Name: Emma (character=Barney & Jean Boswell) Date: 06/12/98 22:00:51 CDT
Barney: Take the Emma Watson Case.
Jean Boswell: Emma Watson?
Barney: Chronic jaywalker!
Name: Emma (character=Opie) Date: 06/12/98 22:00:17 CDT
"Be sure you don't lick the point - it's an indelable pencil. If you lick an indelable, you'll die in a minute and a half." - Opie
Name: Emma (character=Verlene Campbell) Date: 06/12/98 21:59:44 CDT
"We're not at home, so don't losen your belt at the table." - Verlene Campbell
Name: Emma (character=Floyd) Date: 06/12/98 21:59:03 CDT
"I'll see you later, barracuda" - Floyd
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 06/12/98 21:58:26 CDT
"Maybe you and Otis like to falsify, but I don't like to falsify." - Barney
Name: Opie (character=Andy) Date: 06/12/98 21:57:32 CDT
Get on home Cindy, Cindy, Get on home.
Get on home Cindy, Cindy, and Opie hush your mouth.
Get on home Cindy, Cindy, Get on home.
Get on home Opie, Opie, How 'bout you shut your mouth!
Name: Opie (character=Otis) Date: 06/12/98 21:56:51 CDT
"I didn't get my full 8 hours and when I don't get my full 8 hours I'm grouchy, do you mind?!!" - Otis
Name: Opie (character=Andy & Barney) Date: 06/12/98 21:56:02 CDT
Andy: Hey Barn why don't you tell her about the back room?
Barney: Oh, that's not important.
Andy: It is too! That is where Deputy Fife takes his afternoon naps.
Name: Opie (character=Andy) Date: 06/12/98 21:55:15 CDT
"In a way that drinking does a good service for the town. Otis laps it up so fast that other folks can't get to it." - Andy
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 06/12/98 21:54:43 CDT
"He comes from my mother's side of the family. They're the fun ones." - Barney
Name: Opie (character=Andy to Opie) Date: 06/12/98 21:54:10 CDT
"In the name of Boojum Snark, Spirit of the Fire; and Brillan Trance, Spirit of the Water; and Grovely Barch, Spirit of the Air, I hereby declare us blood brothers never to be separated forever and ever." - Andy
Name: Opie (character=Opie & Andy) Date: 06/12/98 21:53:28 CDT
Opie: Pa, is heads chicken or pot roast?
Andy: Pot Roast
Opie: Then we're having chicken.
Name: Opie (character=Barney & Andy) Date: 06/12/98 21:50:56 CDT
Andy: It's a good thing to help out the cause of education.
Barney: That's what I thought
Andy: Especially when the cause is kinda pretty.
Name: Opie (character=Floyd) Date: 06/12/98 21:50:13 CDT
"Apple Dumpling is coming in at ten to one, but she doesn't know he's not gonna be here, so I'm gonna take her out myself." - Floyd
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 06/12/98 21:49:40 CDT
"Do you know I have to sneak down to the gas station just to take a pinch of snuff?" - Barney
Name: Opie (character=Opie & Joey) Date: 06/12/98 21:49:01 CDT
Opie: It is too, Joey. I told you!
Joey: Is not, you're crazy!
Opie: I'll bet ya. I'll bet ya that's Barney!
Name: Opie (character=Andy & Rafe) Date: 06/12/98 21:48:18 CDT
Rafe: How much is this?
Andy: Oh, about $3.
Rafe: What do you suppose it is?
Andy: If I knew that, it'd cost ya five.
Rafe: Sounds like a bargain.
Andy: One of those is nice to have.
Rafe: I always wanted on them these.
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 06/12/98 21:47:29 CDT
"Have you noticed the fine lines on this garmet? You know Bill, this coat ain't local stuff. No, this coat was imported... from Richmond."
- Barney
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 06/12/98 21:46:47 CDT
"Well, life ain't all police work, you know Andy"
- Barney
Name: Opie (character=Barney & Andy) Date: 06/12/98 21:46:14 CDT
Andy: Well, when did you do your last troublecheck?
Barney: Yesterday.
Andy: You didn't troublecheck today!?!
Barney: No.
Andy: Well, let's troublecheck! Sarah, get me 142-R. And put this right through - this is a troublecheck.
Name: Opie (character=Barney & Ralph Case) Date: 06/12/98 21:45:34 CDT
Mr. Case: We've got to show him we mean business! You got a portable loud speaker?
Barney: Yeah, we use it alot... at picnics.
Name: Opie (character=Andy & Barney) Date: 06/12/98 21:44:52 CDT
Andy: Didn't you go over to the house and ask them to send a hat and tie?
Barney: Yeah, so you'd be in uniform, not in trick-or-treat!!
Name: Opie (character=Opie) Date: 06/12/98 21:44:12 CDT
I think you're the best Sheriff in the whole world. Even if you don't carry a gun."
- Opie
Name: Opie (character=Otis & Barney) Date: 06/12/98 21:43:37 CDT
Barney: I'm out a bullet and you'll soon be out a job.
Otis: And I'm out a birthday party.
Name: Opie (character=Otis) Date: 06/12/98 21:42:52 CDT
"Andy, take that thing away from him before he kills us all!!"
- Otis
Name: Opie (character=Andy) Date: 06/12/98 21:42:12 CDT
"Lester, I believe we got 'er if she don't jump."
- Andy
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 06/12/98 21:41:39 CDT
"Hello Juanita? Barn. Listen, I was just wondering what you were doing tonight? Well, I don't know, I thought I'd drop by. Oh, we can sit around... maybe go for a drive in the squadcar. Might even let you play with the siren. Then we'd come back, sit around some more, maybe play a little 2-handed post office. The point is, it'd just be you and me all alone.... hello?" - Barney
Name: Opie (character=Opie) Date: 06/12/98 21:40:35 CDT
"It ain't easy gettin a peanut butter and jelly sandwich down dry. Yesterday, I almost choked." - Opie

Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 06/12/98 21:40:05 CDT
"Well, I happen to have this low sugar-blood content, and if I don't get my lunch by noon then I get a headache and I'm no good to anybody."
- Barney
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 06/12/98 21:39:27 CDT
"You know what she does: She gives you two wings, and usually from a chicken that's done a lot of flyin'. What you wind up paying for is the rice and mixed vegetables. That's what is boils down to, you might as well face it."
- Barney
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 06/12/98 21:38:51 CDT
"You know, when you get a good meal like that with as good a service as Olive gives you, you don't mind leaving a generous tip."
- Barney
Name: Opie (character=Andy) Date: 06/12/98 21:38:00 CDT
"Sarah?...Fine how are you......Well, soak it Sarah. Soak it a lot in warm salt water. Uh, listen Sarah, get me Thelma Lou will ya'? I know she's Barney's girl.....Cause I don't want to..I don't want to talk to Juanita...just get me Thelma Lou."
- Andy
Name: christo (character=stone) Date: 06/11/98 05:37:47 CDT
Fight lazyness ,apathy, till October
Name: ~De§~ (character=Andy) Date: 06/03/98 20:00:06 CDT
Harry, tell him not to mess with the siren.
Name: ~De§~ (character=Barney) Date: 06/03/98 19:58:29 CDT
He thinks blue serge grows on trees.
Name: ~De§~ (character=Gomer) Date: 06/03/98 19:55:41 CDT
I'll look at your motor. I'm sure it's a sight to behold.
Name: Mr. Heathcoat (character=APOLOGY TO MPO AND MISS EMMA) Date: 06/03/98 19:00:18 CDT
MR. HEATHCOAT MESSED UP, AND DIDN'T GIVE CREDIT TO MPO AND EMMA FOR THE QUOTES BELOW. THEY WERE JUST SUCH GREAT TAGS QUOTES, I THOUGHT I'D CUT AND PASTE THEM HERE.
I AM TRULY SORRY, AND GIVE ALL CREDIT TO EMMA AND MPO!
Name: Mr. Heathcoat (character=Barney's new car) Date: 06/03/98 13:24:44 CDT
Barney: Hold it, ever'body. Listen....
Andy: Just the bumps on the road.
Thelma Lou: That's what it sounds like to me.
Gomer: Just the bumps on the road.
Aunt Bee: That's what it sounds like to me.
Opie: Me, too.
Andy: Whatever it was, it fell off and can't hurt you anymore.
Name: Mr. Heathcoat (character=Barney's new car) Date: 06/03/98 12:58:17 CDT
Gomer: You might be mashin' down too hard on your acceleration, an' floodin' 'er out.
Barney: I'll handle this Gomer.
Thelma Lou: I think Gomer's right, I smell gas. Do you smell gas, Andy?
Andy: I smell gas.
Opie: I smell gas.
Gomer: I smell gas.
Aunt Bee: I smell gas too.
Barney: ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT! You smell gas! Of COURSE you smell gas!
What do you think this car runs on, COAL?
Name: Mr. Heathcoat (character=Barney's new car) Date: 06/03/98 12:57:43 CDT
Barney: Alright, is ever'body set back there?
Opie: I'm all set.
Aunt Bee: I'm all set.
Gomer: I'm all set.
Barney: How about the front seat?
Thelma Lou: I'm all set.
Andy: I'm all set.
Gomer: I hope I don't get car sick.
Barney: Opie, you trade places with Gomer!
Name: Mr. Heathcoat (character=Andy and Barney) Date: 06/03/98 12:56:59 CDT
Barney: The last big buy I made was for my mom's and dad's anniversary present.
Andy: What'd you get 'em?
Barney: Septic tank.
Andy: For their anniversary?
Barney: Yeah. Oh, they're really hard to buy for. Besides, it was something they could use. They're
really thrilled. Two tons of concrete, all steel reinforced.
Andy: You're a fine son, Barn.
Barney: Well, I try........
Name: Mr. Heathcoat (character=Opie and Andy) Date: 06/03/98 12:54:29 CDT
Opie: Pa?
Andy: Uh-huh?
Opie: Just what can you do with a grown woman?
Andy: Well......., Let's see, sometimes they take you shopping with them and you go over to the
store and set around over there while she tries on dresses and you tell her whether you like the
brown one with the green stripe or the red one with the white dot and then after you get done with
that you go over to the hat department and you get to set around over there for, oh, an hour or two
while she tries on hats and you say 'I like that one' and 'I don't........(Looks out the window and sees
Karen) And then after that, why you get to carry the dress boxes and the hat boxes on over to her
house and then you get to set around there for a while, while she gets all dressed up and fixed up
and then you go with her to visit her muuuuther. And you set around there till, oh, about dark, and
then it's about time to go home. And it's a fun day. There's no question about it, it's a fun day all the
way around.
Name: Al Becker (character=Andy) Date: 05/30/98 11:48:08 CDT
"Well what do you know, spaghetti."
Name: Elinora (character=Barney) Date: 05/27/98 18:55:19 CDT
"I never saw that lamp, I do not know what spirit was evoked by that lamp, and therefore I cannot discuss the subject intelligently!"
Name: Roni J. (character=Briscoe and Charlene) Date: 05/27/98 00:59:58 CDT
Briscoe: "let's do "Slimy River Bottom", and this time, make it purty!"
Charlene: "oh paw, that one always makes me cry!"
Name: Roni J. (character=Howard [doing "stand up"]) Date: 05/27/98 00:56:16 CDT
"Aunt Bee's family came over on the Mayflower....of course, in those days immigration laws weren't as strict!"
Name: Opie (character=Opie) Date: 05/26/98 21:15:59 CDT
"Its a good trick Virgil, but you give it away if you drop the cards." - Opie
Name: Opie (character=Opie & Andy) Date: 05/26/98 21:14:52 CDT
Opie: Johnny Paul Jason says tar's real good for the teeth.
Andy: That's an old wive's tale.
Opie: Johnny Paul ain't married.
Name: Opie (character=Floyd & Andy) Date: 05/26/98 21:13:55 CDT
Floyd: I owe you a sideburn.
Andy: Next time you can do three!
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 05/26/98 06:44:23 CDT
"Come to Mayberry folks! Gateway to Mone Carlo!! Boy once the word gets out they'll be swarming in here with their horn honking and their jaywalking and their litterin' !" - Barney
Name: Opie (character=Barney and Andy) Date: 05/26/98 06:42:34 CDT
Barney: Yeah, a typical citizen....What about Emma Watson?
Andy: Emma Watson?!
Barney: Sure. I'm all the time reading about sweet little old ladies who bet on horse races. They'd never suspect sweet little old Emma Watson.
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 05/25/98 18:35:18 CDT
"We just can't stand here, let's go get him!! We'll rope off the block, get some tear gas... what ar you wating for?!!"
- Barney
Name: Opie (character=Andy & Aunt Bee) Date: 05/25/98 18:34:08 CDT
Aunt Bee: Sarah knows that anything she tells me doesn't go one bit further.
Andy: Good for you again, Aunt Bee.
Aunt Bee: Well don't you want to konow what she said?
Andy: Don't I want to hear the thing that wouldn't go any further? Ahh..... No, I don't think so, I'm fixin' to eat.... go ahead and tell me before you bust!
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 05/25/98 18:30:46 CDT
"Listen, you'll find compelsion nuts all over."
- Barney
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 05/25/98 18:30:09 CDT
"80 cents just to wash your head? Hate to have him give me a bath!" - Barney
Name: Opie (character=Floyd & Barney) Date: 05/25/98 18:29:20 CDT
Barney: Whats the matter with you?! One of them sideburns is short!
Floyd: Maybe that's because one of your lobes is longer than the other.
Name: Opie (character=Floyd) Date: 05/25/98 18:28:06 CDT
"It's just a haircut, it isn't a brain operation" - Floyd
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 05/25/98 18:27:05 CDT
"Well, I'm gonna take the bongo drum. Things probably be kinda dull." - Barney
Name: Opie (character=Andy) Date: 05/25/98 18:26:14 CDT
"I don't believe that bongos fit in too good with 'Seeing Nellie Home' though." - Andy
Name: Henry Bennett (character=Andy to Rafe, in the Jail Cell) Date: 05/25/98 12:42:06 CDT
Dig my grave with a silver spade,
Dig my grave wide and deep,
Dig my grave with a silver spade,
Burry me neath the willer tree,
Place my grave on a snow white hill,
Cover me over with sod,
Tell em i died- to save em all,
Tell my wife to marry again...


Don't that clutch ya?
Name: Emma (character=Who's Malloy?) Date: 05/23/98 14:25:34 CDT
Malloy: Who are you? What's your name?
Barney: Puddintame...ask me again and I'll tell ya the same.
Malloy: You really think you can spring outa here?
Barney: They don't call me "Fingers" fer nothin'. You know, I been thinkin' about buildin' up the old gang. I could use a coupla torpedoes. You uh..ya gotta partner?
Malloy: Maybe.
Barney: Then we'll need some dough for a hideout till we cool off. Could you lay your hands on a bundle?
Malloy: Maybe.
Barney: Now LOOK JACK...I need more than this maybe jazz! You tell me where your partner is and the money or you don't go!
Malloy: I tell you and you tell the cops.
Barney: ME?!...RAT?!! I've been in stir plenty. Yeah..the boys used everyting on me. Bright lights...rubber hose. I never cracked. Yeah, I been called plenty..everything from Chopper to Mad Dog. One name they never called me...."Tattletale".
Name: Emma (character=Barney and Malloy) Date: 05/23/98 14:19:40 CDT
Barney and Malloy together: "So far, so good."
Barney: Needles.
Malloy: Pins.
Name: Emma (character=Opie and Andy) Date: 05/23/98 13:59:36 CDT
Opie: Paw, did you have to know some kind of password or secret sign to get in to the club?
Andy: No..no..they just opened the door and we walked in.
Opie: When you join up are you gonna get a sweater and cap with Esquire on it?
Andy: I don't think so.
Opie: Don't sound like much of a club to me.
Name: Emma (character=The Tomahawks (Now THAT'S A Club!) Date: 05/23/98 13:57:03 CDT
Opie (Tomahawk President): Raise your tomahawk in your right hand. Face the rising sun. Repeat after me: "As a Tomahawk I solemly swear to be fair and square at all times".
Andy and Barney in Unison (new members of the Tomahawk Club): "As a Tomahawk I solemly swear to be fair and square at all times".
Name: Emma (character=Barney and Talbot ) Date: 05/23/98 09:47:05 CDT
Barney: I'll trade you 2 wife beaters for one smuggler.
Talbot: Make it three.
Barney: 3?!?
Talbot: And throw in one of those moonshiners.
Barney: Then you throw in a counterfeiter.
Talbot: No deal!
Barney: Aw, go on back to your stamp cage!
Talbot: Shine your little tin badge!
Barney: Aw, ya clerk....!
Name: Emma (character=Barn, Ope, and Thelma Lou) Date: 05/20/98 17:56:17 CDT
Barney: Hi Pussycat.
Opie: Oh, hi, Barney.
B: Are you still there, Ope? Let me speak to Thelma Lou.
O: He wants to speak to you.
Thelma Lou: Ask him what he wants.
O: What do you want, Barney?
B: Well, (ahem) ask her if she wants to go for a little ride tonight.
O: You goin' ridin' tonight, Barney?
B: Ask her, ask her!
O: Would you like to go for a ride tonight?
T: That might be fun. Where to?
O: Where to Barn?
B: Well, nowhere in particular, just around.
O: You mean around in circles?
B: Anywhere! The duck pond!
O: Why go to the duck pond at night? You won't be able to see the ducks.
B: YOU shouldn't be DOIN' this, this is a person to person call. It's as bad as opening somebody else's mail. Now let me speak to Thelma Lou!
O: He really wants to speak to you.
T: You're doin' fine. Ask him again why he wants to go to the duck pond.
O: Barney, why do you want to go to the duck pond?
B: Awwwwwww, nevermind!
Name: Milton P. Oliver (character=Barney and Otis) Date: 05/19/98 10:32:57 CDT
Barney is swearing Otis in as a deputy.....
Barney: I will be alert at all times.
Otis: I will be alert at all times.
Barney: I will try to look like a deputy and act like a deputy.
Otis: I will try to look like a deputy and act like a deputy.
Barney: I will at no time while wearing the uniform take a drink.
Otis: I will try to look like a deputy and act like a deputy.

Name: Al Becker (character=Aunt Bee) Date: 05/18/98 21:09:35 CDT
"There's a sale on black socks somewhere if you need any."
Name: Opie (character=Fred Gauss) Date: 05/17/98 13:32:31 CDT
"I wonder how Gilley gets his pants so wrinkled at choir practice?"
- Alice Parker
Name: Opie (character=Andy) Date: 05/17/98 12:44:17 CDT
"There's wonderful husband material there... or am I telling you something you don't already know?" - Andy
Name: Opie (character=Fred Gauss) Date: 05/17/98 12:43:28 CDT
"Twenty-three rhinestone buttons - a woman like that ought to be run out of town."
- Fred Gauss
Name: Opie (character=Andy) Date: 05/17/98 12:42:26 CDT
"It was just a little joke about gravy."
- Andy
Name: Emma (character=Andy, Lydia & Barney) Date: 05/13/98 15:44:58 CDT
Andy: Uh, is uh, your father still with the lumber plant?
Lydia: No.
Andy: What's he doing?
Lydia: Who?
Andy: Your father.
Lydia: He's working.
Andy: Oh...that's good.
Barney: Yeah, that's absolutely right...absolutely right.
Andy: What's that?
Barney: About a man working. It's good for a man to work. I believe in work. Some people are against work but I've always felt that if a man works and has pride in his work, well, there you've...gotta...man...that...ahem....
Name: Opie (character=Andy) Date: 05/11/98 19:23:32 CDT
"Bet you a quarter she forgot a brown paper sack full of sandwiches. I've never been on a trip before that I didn't have to take a brown paper sack full of sandwiches."
- Andy
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 05/11/98 19:22:25 CDT
"Coming over here without my gun and belt, I felt absolutely naked!"
- Barney
Name: Opie (character=Barney & Andy) Date: 05/11/98 19:21:38 CDT
Barney: I don't look too Ivy League do I?
Andy: Oh, no... you're in a league all by yourself.
Name: Opie (character=Rafe) Date: 05/11/98 19:20:34 CDT
"I know how hot I am when I'm hot. Dang hot."
-Rafe Hollister
Name: Opie (character=Andy & Rafe) Date: 05/11/98 19:19:44 CDT
Andy: That there's a thermometer.
Rafe: I got one on my henhouse, only bigger.
Name: Opie (character=Barney & Andy) Date: 05/11/98 19:18:40 CDT
Barney: That little sugar didn't hurt none, did it?
Andy: What are you talking about?
Barney: That little kissee on the jaw felt kinda good, didn't it?
Andy: Felt better than a mule's nose, yes.
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 05/11/98 19:17:22 CDT
"One of the robbers here in Mayberry?! Oh, Andy, this is an all points! We better get right on it! Let me see if I've got my bullet."
- Barney
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 05/11/98 19:16:22 CDT
"Oh, you're funny, aren't you!? You ought to get a cane and cigar and work at a carnival!!"
- Barney
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 05/11/98 19:15:02 CDT
"Get me 142-R, will ya? Hello Juanita? Barn. What do you mean, why am I talking softly? I always talk softly to you Juanita."
- Barney
Name: Opie (character=Otis) Date: 05/10/98 11:06:51 CDT
"I got drunk just so I could come over here to be with you so you could help me celebrate my birthday."
- Otis
Name: Opie (character=Andy & Otis) Date: 05/10/98 11:06:03 CDT
Andy: Otis? Wake up Otis. We're going home and eat dinner. You want to come?
Otis: No thanks, Andy. I beleive I'll stay and get a little more shuteye. After awhile I want to wash out a few things and write some leters.
Name: Emma (character=Mr. Case and Andy) Date: 05/09/98 11:05:34 CDT
Mr. Case: Sheriff, haven't you ever read any textbooks on proper procedure? Any sort of manual?
Andy: No, I can't say that I have. I did used to take the Police Gazette though. But I had to quit it when Deputy Fife joined the force. (quietly) See it had a lot of girlie pictures in it and Barney's..he's never been married.
Name: Emma (character=Barney and Floyd) Date: 05/08/98 23:03:05 CDT
Barney: Here, have a cigar Floyd.
Floyd: Oh, thanks Barn.... Oh, say (sniff)
Barney: 35 cents a copy, babe.
Floyd: 35 cents!?!
Barney: I plan on smokin' about eight a day.
Floyd: EIGHT of 'em! That's thirty-five, seventy, dollar-five, dollar-fort.... did you fall into some money or something?
Barney: Well, let's just say that I'm doing alright, OK?
Name: Opie (character=Otis & Barney) Date: 05/08/98 21:39:57 CDT
Otis: Barney?...Barney!? ... Barney!?! BARNEY!??!
Barney: What is it Otis?!
Otis: I can't sleep.
Barney: All right (sits in the rocker) Deedee dee dee dee... Deedee dee dee dee...
Name: Opie (character=Andy & Barney) Date: 05/08/98 21:39:16 CDT
Barney: Remember last week when I got Otis to confess he was drunk, right out?
Andy: Got him to confess?! He come crawling in on his hands and knees a'hollerin' 'Close the door, there's an elephant behind me!' Now that's not exactly what you call worming out information"
Name: Opie (character=Andy) Date: 05/08/98 21:38:32 CDT
"How is Celia today? What are we gonna do about that poor woman and all of her suffering?! Oh, do you recon she will EVER find true happiness? That brighter tomorrow? That stairway to the stars? Oh, I worry so much about her!"
- Andy
Name: Opie (character=Barney & Andy) Date: 05/08/98 21:37:56 CDT
Barney: Sheriff, I think this calls for a line up.
Andy: No, Barney
Barney: We'll call in every kid in Mayberry!
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 05/08/98 21:37:31 CDT
"The truth is Mayor, Mayberry needs me."
- Barney
Name: Opie (character=Andy) Date: 05/08/98 21:37:10 CDT
"That's a fine system you got there Barney. You ought to write a book on it - call it "The Barney Fife Subconscious Prober Primer."
- Andy
Name: Opie (character=Otis & Barney ) Date: 05/08/98 21:36:32 CDT
Barney: Otis... Otis Campbell? This is your subconscious... come in please...
Otis: What do you want?
Barney: Where's the still?
Otis: You go out Route 22 past Waynesboro, Fayetteville, Thorndike, Dobson...
Barney: A little slow-er please.
Otis: Through Virginia, Pennsylvania, Ohio...
Barney: He's making for Canada!
Otis: Then back through West Virginia, Kentucky, Tennessee, into Mayberry on Route 10...
Barney: Where then?
Otis: To Elm Street. 4-1-1 Elm Street.
Barney: Thank you very muuuch.
Name: Opie (character=Chase & Barney ) Date: 05/08/98 21:35:16 CDT
Barney: I know I'm walking into a cespool of violence and crime. Well, a man's got to do what a man's got to do.
Chase: Come on Barney, Greendale's just a quiet little town.
Barney: Yeah, quiet on the outside, underneath its another Dodge City.
Name: Opie (character=Andy & Barney ) Date: 05/08/98 21:34:35 CDT
Barney: Don't tell me Aunt Bee's making maralade now!
Andy: Don't just stand there, go get the suitcase.
Name: Opie (character=Andy & Barney & Opie) Date: 05/08/98 21:34:15 CDT
"As a Tomahawk, I promise to be fair and square at all times."
- Opie, Barney & Andy
Name: Opie (character=Andy & Barney) Date: 05/08/98 21:33:32 CDT
Barney: We got to talk about big, important things. Got to talk about stocks and bonds and stuff.
Andy: We aint got stocks and bonds. Fact, we aint got any stuff!
Name: Opie (character=Barney & Otis) Date: 05/08/98 21:32:50 CDT
Barney: Back, you savage killer, back!!
Otis: You're right. I am a killer. I just killed a whole pint!
Name: Al Becker (character=Andy/Rafe) Date: 05/05/98 23:02:28 CDT
Rafe: "Chicken & dumplins?"
Andy: "And sweet tater pie."
Name: Dr.Merle Osborne licensed P.P.D. (character=Andy & Barney) Date: 05/03/98 21:30:15 CDT
Andy:" what do you think he was happier about?
the umbrella or the stand?"

Barney:"i don't know, i think he was happier about the
stand."

Andy:"yeah, cause it bigger."
Name: Dr. Merle Osborne licensed P.P.D. (character=Andy) Date: 05/03/98 21:26:21 CDT
"Now like they say Ben, music hath charm to soothe the
savage beast."
Name: Dan (character=Andy & Barney) Date: 05/03/98 21:24:21 CDT
Spread a little sunshine everyday,
Spread a little sunshine everyday,
Help someone along life's way,
Spread a little sunshine everyday.

Ain't that purty?
Name: Dr.Merle Osborne licensed P.P.D. (character=Gomer and Barney) Date: 05/03/98 21:21:51 CDT
Gomer:"he ain't stewpid"

Barney:"what?"

Gomer:"my cousin, Goober ain't stewpid, he's ugly but he ain't stewpid"
Name: Al Becker (character=Barney) Date: 05/01/98 19:20:31 CDT
"Alright you there, NEXT!"
Name: Emma (character=Ange,Barney, & Aunt Bee) Date: 04/27/98 11:27:28 CDT
Aunt Bee: That darling Mr. Frisbee whom we've been buying eggs from for
all these years. Will you tell me why they're running him off his
property?
Barney: Who is?
Aunt Bee: The County. They want to extend the highway right through his farm.
Barney: That's the County for you... extend a highway that already goes no place.
Andy: They ran out of money.
Barney: They ran out of brains!
Andy: They got the money now and the reason they want to extend it...
Barney: I'll tell you why they want to extend it, so they can raise taxes and put more people on the payroll !
Aunt Bee: Barney's right.
Andy: Barney don't know what he's talking about. Now if you'll...
Barney: If you ask me they ought to fire the whole lot of them - a bunch of goldbrickers and deadheads every one of them!
Andy: Barney, did it ever occur to you wer'e on the payroll?
Barney: Hmm?
Andy: We're County employees. We're paid by the County, you and me.
Barney: Of course. You think I didn't know that?

(Barney slides over the edge of the desk)

Andy: They need that highway. Been needing it for years.
Barney: They need that highway, Aunt Bee.
Andy: In case of emergencies - fire truck or ambulance got to go all the
way around Fisher's Pond, cross that wobbly old bridge. They need that highway.
Aunt Bee: They don't need to put it through Mr. Frisbee's place. Why don't they put it someplace else?
Barney: Yeah, why can't they put is someplace else?
Andy: There ain't no place else!
Barney: There ain't no place else.
Andy: Stands to reason you can't have two hunks of highway that don't join up.
Barney: Highway's got to join up all right.
Andy: Frisbee's place is right in the middle.
Barney: Right smack dab in the middle!
Aunt Bee: Oh Barney would you stay out of it!
Andy: He'll be better off - they'll pay him for his property. They'll give him more than its worth.
Aunt Bee: Oh, I suppose money makes it alright! You never did care for Mr. Frisbee, did you?
Barney: Don't you like him Ange?
Andy: No, I nevas crazy about him if you want to know the truth. But that's got nothing to do with it. I'd have to evict him no matter what.
And I'm trying to tell you he'll be better off.
Aunt Bee: You seem to forget there are things more important than money.
Things like home and people's feelings and where they grew up. And things like.... do unto others!!
Andy: Aunt Bee, I can't do anything about it!
Aunt Bee: You could if you wanted to. Maybe you stay around jails too much. Maybe you should go to church more often!
Barney: Wouldn't hurt, Ange. Maybe if you went to church more often.
Andy: Will you shut up!!



Name: Opie (character=Andy & Floyd) Date: 04/25/98 19:09:25 CDT
Andy: Greater Mayberry Historical Society and Tourist Bureau?!!
Floyd: Limited.
Andy: It will be when I get through with them!
Name: Opie (character=Andy & Floyd) Date: 04/25/98 19:08:33 CDT
Andy: Floyd you drug those folks in there for nothing!
Floyd: No I didn't. I charged them 2 bits a piece.
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 04/25/98 19:07:22 CDT
"Well friends, as Mr. Lawson told you, I'm Deputy Sheriff Barney Fife, although I do have a nickname I've been stuck with and can't seem to lose.... Fastgun Fife."
-Barney
Name: Opie (character=Barney & Roy the Jeweler) Date: 04/25/98 19:05:41 CDT
Barney: Remember now, nothing gawdy. Just plain simple solid gold.
Roy: No diamonds.
Barney: Not for me. Course if you'd like to work something out in rubies, that's my birthstone.
Name: Opie (character=Barney & Andy) Date: 04/25/98 19:04:08 CDT
Andy: And I know I speak for Barney when I say 'we don't want any medals.'
Barney Ain't you got anything bigger than these?
Name: Opie (character=Barney & Fred Jenkins) Date: 04/25/98 19:02:45 CDT
Barney: We're just plain simple men fighting organized crime with raw courage; strong, determined, rugged, fearless...
Mr. Jenkins: And modest.
Name: Opie (character=Andy & Otis) Date: 04/25/98 19:01:07 CDT
Andy: Otis, you feel up to face the world?
Otis: Yeah, but I don't know if the world is up to facing me!
Name: Opie (character=Gomer) Date: 04/25/98 18:59:58 CDT
"We did take one liberty though. I took Goober's picture by your car with the hood up."
- Gomer
Name: Opie (character=Maude Mendlebright) Date: 04/25/98 18:58:44 CDT
"I know Charlotte Tucker. She married that man who fell down alot."
- Maude Mendlebright
Name: Opie (character=Mendlebright Sisters) Date: 04/25/98 18:57:48 CDT
Maude: The one with her father's nose?
Cora: Oh, of course - Moosey! What about her?
Cora: Her feet fell asleep too.
Name: Opie (character=Mendlebright Sisters) Date: 04/25/98 18:56:22 CDT
Cora: So first my right foot started tingling and then my left foot began tingling.
Maude: I've had that before.
Cora: You know what it is?
Maude: No.
Cora: Would you like to know?
Maude: If you'd like to tell me
Cora: Your foots asleep!
Name: Opie (character=Andy & Malcom Tucker) Date: 04/25/98 18:53:44 CDT
Mr. Tucker: Why do they leave a boy like that in charge?
Andy: Oh, its just a part time job. He's saving up money for college. Studying to be a doctor.
Name: Opie (character=Opie) Date: 04/25/98 18:52:32 CDT
"Johnny Paul says if you put a horse hair in stagnation water it will turn into a snake."
- Opie
Name: Opie (character=Dr Breen, Andy & Barney) Date: 04/25/98 18:51:25 CDT
Dr. Breen: I don't believe my message was reaching Deput Fife, however. You appeared to be nodding.
Andy: Oh, if Barney appeared to be snoozing, its my fault. I had him out till 4:00 on a chicken stakeout.
Barney: We got a tip that Buzz Jenkins was lifting a few fryers from Al's Poultry Headquarters
Dr. Breen: Oh, dear. Oh dear.
Andy: You know Buzz?
Dr. Breen: That's where I'm having supper this evening.
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 04/19/98 10:37:05 CDT
"Hey Sarah, get me Thelma Lou. HEY SARAH GUESS WHAT!!"
- Barney
Name: Opie (character=Barney, Goober & Floyd) Date: 04/19/98 10:36:18 CDT
Goober: The Count grants you one wish.
Barney: One wish, huh?
Goober: Opie got three wishes from the Count.
Floyd: Probably crazy about children
Name: Opie (character=Andy & Helen) Date: 04/19/98 10:35:08 CDT
Andy: And now we come to the intersting part.
Helen: What?
Andy: Know what he did?
Helen: Turned himself into a pumpkin.
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 04/19/98 10:31:47 CDT
"Now that atmosphere in Arabia is a LITTLE bit different thatn the atmosphere here in the southeastern United States"
- Barney
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 04/19/98 10:30:54 CDT
Did you ever see that lamp? If you never saw that lamp, then don't talk.
- Barney
Name: Opie (character=Mendlebright Sisters) Date: 04/19/98 10:29:19 CDT
Cora: Hello?
Maude: Hello?
Cora: Hello, hello?
Maude: Hello?
Cora: Hello?
Malcom Tucker: Hello?
Maude: Hello, hello?
Cora: Hello?
Maude: Hello, hello?

Name: Opie (character=Andy & Barney) Date: 04/19/98 10:26:55 CDT
Andy: Dr. Merle Osmond.... He's a doctor?
Barney: Yeah, he's a licensed P.P.D.
Andy: What's P.P.D.?
Barney: Doctor of Psychic Phenomenon. He has a very interesting background. He used to teach the guitar before he went into this.
Name: Opie (character=Andy) Date: 04/19/98 09:51:33 CDT
"Barney, I know that we've not always understood one another, but so far as I can recall, this is the first time we've ever been on two different planets!"
- Andy
Name: Opie (character=Barney & Andy) Date: 04/19/98 09:50:15 CDT
Barney: I'm out!! It's out of my hands. It's out of your hands. None of us has any control over it!
Andy: Well, who has?!
Barney: Count Iz Van Talecki !
Name: Opie (character=Helen) Date: 04/19/98 09:44:56 CDT
"Just who do you think you are? Mayberry's answer to Cary Grant?!"
- Helen
Name: ch (character=Andy) Date: 04/17/98 10:59:28 CDT
Wouldn't you know his name would be Don!
Name: Al Becker (character=Barney) Date: 04/15/98 20:30:51 CDT
"Approach the cave entrance slowly. SLOWLY!"
Name: Milton P. Oliver (character=Barney and Andy) Date: 04/15/98 16:46:35 CDT
Barney: "If only somebody would just commit a crime, ONE GOOD CRIME. If only somebody would just KILL somebody."
Andy: "BARNEY!"
Barney: "Oh, I don't mean anybody we know. But, well, if a couple of strangers was to come to town and, well, if one of 'em of gonna kill the other one anyways, well, he might just as wells do it chere."
Andy: "Maybe we ought to advertise."
Name: Milton P. Oliver (character=Andy and Barney) Date: 04/13/98 18:37:11 CDT
From the epilogue of "The Class Reunion" ....
Andy: Kinda gets to you a little bit don't it?
Barney: Oh noooo .... well, yeah ...you know, seeing all those people you knew as kids, growing older ... it kinda makes you sad.
Andy: Yeah, I know. Do the tears on your pillow bespeak the pain that is in yourheart?
Barney: yeah
Andy: Me too ......
Name: Katie (character=Barney) Date: 04/10/98 11:05:39 CDT
"You ALMOST had me shoot my own sherriff, for heavens sake!"
Name: opie taylor sr. (character=aunt bee & otis) Date: 04/10/98 00:07:27 CDT
"did you vacuum the hall?
Otis:"no"
Aunt Be:"get to it?"
Name: opie taylor sr. (character=ernest t) Date: 04/10/98 00:06:04 CDT
"if a duck stands still you can catch em by the bill"
Name: Opie Taylor Sr. (character=Barn) Date: 04/09/98 09:42:53 CDT
"No Sarah I didn't say anything about payday."
Name: Opie Taylor Sr. (character=Gomer) Date: 04/09/98 09:39:32 CDT
"i can pretend I'm a owl and go hoot hoot;and you could go chicka-chi chicka-chi like a squirrel."
Name: Jason & Amy Gattis (character=Barney) Date: 04/06/98 21:11:19 CDT
"Where did you geeeeeet the liquor?
Where did you geeeeeet the liquor?"
Name: Jeremy Clay (character=Andy) Date: 04/05/98 15:08:13 CDT
(To Opie) And to think I was happy when you learned to talk.
Name: Milton P. Oliver (character=Emma) Date: 04/04/98 18:28:31 CST
"Did I have a pain? Started right here in the side and shot down my leg, rared up the other side and around my back, and then went clean on up my neck."
Name: Opie Taylor Sr. (character=Floyd) Date: 04/02/98 22:04:33 CST
"he pushed me, he pushed me real hard,.....assaulted me."
Name: Opie Taylor Sr. (character=Opie) Date: 04/02/98 21:59:15 CST
"i wasn't squanderin' Pa, i wasn't squanderin',
what's squanderin?"
Name: Martin van Nostrin (character=Opie & Andy) Date: 04/02/98 21:57:36 CST
Andy:"forget that part,the part about a half a boy"

Opie:"it's pretty hard to forget a thing like that
Pa."
Name: Opie Taylor Sr. (character=Andy) Date: 04/02/98 21:52:58 CST
"there's 2 types of people in this world there's
givers and theres takers,Opie's somewhere in the
middle, he's a squeezer."
Name: Opie Taylor Sr. (character=Opie & Andy) Date: 04/02/98 21:50:48 CST
Andy:...here I am raisin' a playboy

Opie: Pa, i'm not a playboy
Name: Opie Taylor Sr. (character=Barney) Date: 04/02/98 21:49:01 CST
"I never saw that lamp, I do not know what spirit
was evoked by that lamp,and therefore I cannot
discuss the subject intelligently."

-Barney on Aladdan's magic lamp

Name: Opie Taylor Sr (character=Dr.Pendike) Date: 04/02/98 21:46:05 CST
"That's a wonderful name you got for your company
young man,Miracle Salve, its much better than the
ointment I've been using Molly Harken's mange cure"
Name: Opie Taylor Sr. (character=Barney) Date: 04/02/98 21:43:26 CST
"Maybe I would and maybe again I wouldn't .right Gome

Barney(Dr.Pendike)
Name: Opie Taylor Sr. (character=Colonel Harvey) Date: 04/02/98 21:41:04 CST
"If you only knew sheriff, if you only knew"
Name: Opie Taylor Sr. (character=Opie&Andy&Aunt Bee) Date: 04/02/98 21:39:03 CST
(knock on door)
Opie:"I'll get it."
Andy:"I'll get it."
Aunt Bee(drunk)"No, I'LL GET IT"
Name: Opie Taylor Sr. (character=Opie&Andy&Aunt Bee) Date: 04/02/98 21:38:45 CST
(knock on door)
Opie:"I'll get it."
Andy:"I'll get it."
Aunt Bee(drunk)"No, I'LL GET IT"
Name: Opie Taylor Sr. (character=Barney) Date: 04/02/98 16:49:11 CST
"where there's smoke there's firewater!"
Name: Opie Taylor Sr. (character=Barney) Date: 03/29/98 21:09:51 CST
" Where you gettin' it? Where you gettin' it?
WHERE ARE YOU GETTIN" IT?"
Name: Opie Taylor Sr. (character=Ernest T & Opie) Date: 03/29/98 21:07:53 CST
Ope-'night, Ernset T. Bass
Ernest T.-"night Opie Taylor."
Name: Opie Taylor Sr. (character=Gomer) Date: 03/29/98 21:05:54 CST
"My Name is Opie Taylor, Sr."



-Gomer(Opie Taylor Sr.)
Name: Al Becker (character=Briscoe Darling) Date: 03/24/98 20:19:55 CST
"Natural law, tooth and claw."
Name: Al Becker (character=Charlene Darling ) Date: 03/24/98 20:15:46 CST
"Huggy huggy."
Name: Al Becker (character=Barn) Date: 03/24/98 20:12:16 CST
"I'll check the engine I thought of it first!"
Name: Milton P. Oliver (character=Big Maude, Floyd, and Barney) Date: 03/24/98 09:40:40 CST
Maude: "A cop with an empty gun!"
Floyd: "He's only allowed one bullet."
Barney: "Knock it off, Floyd."
Floyd: "He's only allowed to put that bullet in the gun in case of an emergency."
Barney: "Floyd, so help me.........."
Maude: "Alright Slim, where's the bullet?"
Floyd: "It's in his left shirt pocket."
Barney: "FLOYD!"
Floyd: "Well, THIS is an emergency."

Name: Milton P. Oliver (character=Otis) Date: 03/23/98 13:52:12 CST
"You're not out and you're not in. Me, I'm not out and I'm not in. I'm in the TWILIGHT ZONE!"
Name: Opie (character=Andy) Date: 03/23/98 06:29:17 CST
"Barney, lock her up and buy some pink towels!" - Andy
Name: Opie (character=Andy & Frank Meyers) Date: 03/23/98 06:27:31 CST
Andy: I don't know Frank, these are all fine items, but they've all got such sentimental value that maybe you ought not try to sell them.
Frank Meyers: They ain't worth a tiddly-boo?
Name: Opie (character=Andy) Date: 03/23/98 06:25:57 CST
"Opie, you know sometimes you're a pretty outstanding fellow?"
- Andy
Name: Opie (character=Mr. Wheeler & Opie) Date: 03/23/98 06:25:13 CST
Mr. Wheeler: A man needs someone to take care of and someone to take care of him.
Opie: If that's all you want Mr. Wheeler, why don't you buy yourself a dog.
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 03/23/98 06:24:00 CST
"Losing to a woman. Jiminy - it's the end of an era."
- Barney
Name: Opie (character=Andy & Thelma Lou's Cousin) Date: 03/22/98 21:47:59 CST
"You know I always thought this was pretty country, but if you'll excuse me of saying it, you sure do make it a whole lot prettier."
- Andy

Name: Opie (character=Andy & Thelma Lou's Cousin) Date: 03/22/98 20:46:51 CST
"You know I always thought this was pretty country, but if you'll excuse me of saying it, you sure do make it a whole lot prettier."
- Andy

Name: Opie (character=Andy & Thelma Lou's Cousin) Date: 03/22/98 20:44:17 CST
Andy: See that rock over there that looks like an eagle? (pointing)
Karen: Oh, uh huh.
Andy: We call that Eagle Rock.

Name: Opie (character=Barney & Andy) Date: 03/22/98 20:42:52 CST
Barney: Well? Yeah? What happened?
Andy: What happened when?
Barney: At the coffeeshop.
Andy: At the coffeeshop?
Barney: Between you and Karen?
Andy: Oh! Oh, we had coffee.
Barney: Then what?
Andy: What?
Barney: What happened after you had the coffee?
Andy: We got married.

Name: Opie (character=Barney ) Date: 03/22/98 20:39:33 CST
"Looks like I'm gonna have to guide the kid the the whole way."
- Barney
Name: Opie (character=Barney & Andy) Date: 03/22/98 20:36:46 CST
Barney: That if I send these copies on, then that means that I've given into superstition and I'm gonna have that on my back for the rest of my life! Why don't you say it?!!
Andy: You just did.

Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 03/22/98 20:34:53 CST
"Did you mail them letters? I don't wanna know!"
-Barney
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 03/22/98 20:34:01 CST
"I aways feel good when I can strike a blow against superstition."
-Barney
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 03/22/98 20:33:18 CST
"You're trying to show me that its only the non-intellectual types like Goober and Floyd that are the ones who go in for this sort of thing"
-Barney
Name: MERLE DEAN (character=Goober) Date: 03/22/98 11:20:11 CST
"Alright you guys, okay you guys, lets go you guys !"
Name: Trudy & Dave (character=Gomer) Date: 03/20/98 21:31:28 CST
He's A wonderful man."
Name: Al Becker (character=Ramona Wiley Bectoris) Date: 03/03/98 18:58:17 CST
"Your just the man I'm looking for, would you give us two glasses of punch please bartenter."
Name: Al Becker (character=Jeff Pruitt) Date: 03/03/98 18:52:15 CST
"Thelma Lou, I believe your trying to change me."
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 02/24/98 20:43:04 CST
"So what if she has fat knees and talked alot?!"
- Barney
Name: Opie (character=Andy & Barney) Date: 02/24/98 20:42:45 CST
SKREEECH!!
Barney: Andy, she's doing it again!!
Andy: Well, I'm glad you noticed.
Name: Opie (character=Andy) Date: 02/24/98 20:41:59 CST
"If there's one thing I don't want to do is hurt alot of women"
- Andy
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 02/24/98 20:40:21 CST
"One day all the pieces will fall together and you'll see the big picture."
- Barney
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 02/24/98 20:40:03 CST
"And you better gird your loins buster!"
- Barney
Name: Opie (character=Andy) Date: 02/24/98 20:39:29 CST
"That boy weighs about 100 lbs and I would swear 50 of it is proud.
Proud. Proud. Proud. Proud. Proud. Proud."
- Andy
Name: Opie (character=Barney & Emma Watson) Date: 02/24/98 20:38:52 CST
Emma: But you should wear your uniform.
Barney: I'm not suppose to wear my uniform, I'm not a deputy.
Emma: Not a deputy?
Barney: No.
Emma: Well if you're not a deputy, you certainly had alot of nerve arresting me for jaywalking!
Name: Opie (character=Barney & Bob Rogers) Date: 02/24/98 20:38:15 CST
Barney: Now this is a 2-way radio. I'll give you a technical explanation of how it works. You talk in here... and listen in here... and that's the explanation.
Bob Rogers: Thanks. That's very informative.

Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 02/24/98 20:37:18 CST
"What's the matter, ain't you folks ever seen a condenser box tapped?!!"
- Barney
Name: Opie (character=Andy) Date: 02/24/98 20:36:40 CST
"Do a good day's work and act like somebody."
- Andy
Name: Hazel-from the front porch (character=Andy and Barny) Date: 02/22/98 09:43:03 CST
Barney: I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. I tell you, this is just the beginning. Going around
breaking street lamps! City property, mind you. Next thing you know they'll be on motorcycles and
wearing them leather jackets and zooming around. They'll take over the whole town! A reign of
terror!
Andy: Barney, these are just boys you're talking about. They are only about eight years old.
Barney: Yeah, well today's eight-year-olds are tomorrow's teenagers. I say this calls for action and
now! Nip it in the bud! First sign of youngsters going wrong, you've got to nip it in the bud.
Andy: I'm going to have a talk with them. What else do you want me to do?
Barney: Well, just don't mollycoddle them.
Andy: I won't.
Barney: Nip it! You go read any book you want on the subject of child discipline and you'll find
every one of them is in favor of bud nipping.
Andy: I'll take care of it.
Barney: There's only one way to take care of it.
Andy: Nip it...
Barney: In the bud!
Name: Opie (character=Andy) Date: 02/19/98 20:09:20 CST
"And if I catch a certain little boy handcuffing another little boy to a flagpole, he'll not only be planting spinach, he'll be a'eatin' it standing up"
- Andy
Name: Opie (character=Barney & Andy) Date: 02/19/98 20:07:50 CST
Barney: One thing I'll say about Otis, he leaves a pretty clean cell.
Andy: Well, it's his home away from home.
Name: Opie (character=Aunt Bee) Date: 02/19/98 20:06:55 CST
"I wouldn't be surprised if at Opie's next birthday party he shoots out the candles."
- Aunt Bee
Name: Opie (character=Andy & Crowd) Date: 02/19/98 20:05:53 CST
"What's the matter with Barney? He's all right!!"
Name: Opie (character=Andy) Date: 02/19/98 20:05:21 CST
"That boy goes through britches like he was wearing sandpaper underwear."
-Andy
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 02/19/98 20:04:41 CST
"It says, Sheriff, Sheriff. It's time. It's time."
- Barney
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 02/19/98 20:04:03 CST
"Don't toy with me Otis. JUST don't toy with me!"

- Barney
Name: Opie (character=Barney & Andy) Date: 02/19/98 20:03:22 CST
Andy: I got a plan.
Barney: Well thank heavens you've finally come to your senses. OK, shoot.
Andy: First, we go back to town and split up.
Barney: Deploy.


Andy: You could call it that. You go make your 11:00 rounds. I'll go back to the office... and have a cup of coffee.
Barney:

Name: Opie (character=Barney & Andy) Date: 02/19/98 20:01:19 CST
Barney: But WHAT's he planting?
Andy: This time of year, barley, lima beans, maybe.
Barney: And or?
Andy: And or what?
Barney: And marijuana or some other illegal crop.
Name: Emma (character=Barney) Date: 02/19/98 18:21:37 CST
"Oh come on, Aunt Bee! Don't be sil! Subterfuge is my BUSINESS!"
Name: Opie (character=Barney and Andy) Date: 02/18/98 19:11:04 CST
Barney: Boy, you wouldn't notice a muddy elephant in the snow, would you?
Andy: You trying to tell me Sam Becker's got a dirty elephant up at his place?!!
Name: Opie (character=Opie and Aunt Bee) Date: 02/18/98 19:09:59 CST
Aunt Bee: Well, I wouldn't put much stock in what Nat Pike told you.
Opie: Why not?
Aunt Bee: For one thing, he's only 4 years old.
Opie: He may be young, but he's been around plenty.
Name: Opie (character=Opie) Date: 02/18/98 19:08:41 CST
"A penny hit by lightnin' is worth six cents."
- Opie
Name: Opie (character=Barney and Andy) Date: 02/18/98 19:07:52 CST
Barney: Well, for my money he's got all the facial characteristics of a criminal. You know, the narrow chin, and the eyes close together, and slack jaw with prominent overbite.
Andy: You know who that sounds like?
Barney: Who?
Andy: You.
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 02/18/98 19:03:46 CST
"Alright, break it up, Floyd!! Break it up!!"
-Barney
Name: Opie (character=Barney and Andy) Date: 02/18/98 19:02:51 CST
Barney: You suppose we ought to put a plaque in that cell there, 'Otis Cambell slept here' ?
Andy: ' Slept it off here' be more like it.
Name: Opie (character=Andy, Mayor Pike and Barey) Date: 02/18/98 19:00:51 CST
Mayor Pike: Oh, you didn't! I specifically asked you to get a substitute for him, but you didn't. You got him.
Andy: You did and I didn't but I did.
Mayor: How could you do it?!!
Barney: Well, he did it.
Mayor: You didn't.
Andy: I did.
Mayor: How?!!
Andy: I just did.
Name: Opie (character=Barney about Otis) Date: 02/18/98 18:57:30 CST
"Where's ma plaque? Gimme ma plaque!! Then he'll stagger up to that Miss Wicks and he'll say, 'How abou

a little drink, baby?' "
- Barney

Name: Opie (character=Andy & Barney) Date: 02/18/98 18:55:26 CST
Andy: I believe the Phyfe fella you're talkin' about spells his name P-H-Y-F-E and you spell yours F-I-F-E.
Barney: Well, sooner or later somebody had to spell it right.
Name: Opie (character=Barney) Date: 02/17/98 11:31:21 CST
Juanita, Juanita lovely dear Juanita
From your head down to your feet,
There's nothing half so sweet,
As Juanita, Juanita, Juaneet.

Oh, there are things to wonder,
Of which men like to sing,
There are pretty sunsets and birds upon the wing.

But of the joys of nature,
None truly can compare,
With Juanita, Juanita, she of beauty beyond compare,
Juanita, Juantita, lovely, dear Juaneet.

- Barney
Name: Otis (character=Lydia) Date: 02/16/98 10:06:17 CST
I don't mind ordinary conversation, but I hate to chit chat.