Mayberry quote of the Moment:
ANDY:   Now, looky here....we better talk about this thing..  Now, now, now, looky 
        here Opie.  You can't give a little piddling amount like three cents to a 
        worthy cause like the Under Privileged Children's Drive.  Why, I was readin' 
        here just the other day where there was somewhere like 400 needy boys in 
        this county alone.  Or, one and a half boys per square mile.
OPIE:   There is?
ANDY:   There sure is.
OPIE:   I never seen one, Paw.
ANDY:   Never seen one, what?
OPIE:   A half a boy.
ANDY:   Well, it's not really a half a boy.  It's a ratio.
OPIE:   Horatio, who?
ANDY:   Not Horatio, a ratio.  Mathematics. Arithmetic.  Now, look, Opie, just forget 
        that part of it.  Forget the part about the half a boy.
OPIE:   It's pretty hard to forget a thing like that, Paw.
ANDY:   Well, try.
OPIE:   Poor Horatio.
ANDY:   Now look....Horatio is not the only needy boy...Son, didn't you ever give 
        anybody anything just for the pleasure of it?  Somethin' you didn't want 
        anything in return for?
OPIE:   Sure, just yesterday I gave my friend Jimmy something.
ANDY:   Now that's fine.  What'd you give him.
OPIE:   A sock in the head.
ANDY:   I meant charity.
OPIE:   I didn't charge him nothing.
ANDY:   I meant something for the joy of giving......
OPIE:   I ENJOYED IT.  I don't like Jimmy anymore.  He makes fun of Charlotte.
ANDY:   Who's Charlotte?
OPIE:   My girlfriend.
ANDY:   Well, I just don't see how anybody who has as much as you could care so 
        little about others.
OPIE:   I CARE ABOUT OTHERS, honest.
ANDY:   Not when you give a little, piddling amount like three cents.  That's being 
        selfish.  You should have given at least a half a dollar or a dollar.
OPIE:   A DOLLAR? Gosh, Paw.  I only have two dollars and twenty cents in my 
        whole piggy bank and I'm saving it to buy Charlotte something.
ANDY:   Now well!  That's dandy.  THAT IS JUST DANDY.  Whole dollars you'll 
        squander on your girlfriend Charlotte but when it comes to the Under 
        Privileged Children's Fund you've got only three cents.
OPIE:   I wasn't gonna squander it, Paw.  I wasn't gonna squander it.
ANDY:   Yeah.
OPIE:   What's squander?


Quotes transcribed by the members of the
Who's Been Messin' Up the Bulletin Board? Chapter.
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